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A last-minute letter to Santa

Posted: December 22, 2011 3:11 p.m.
Updated: December 23, 2011 5:00 a.m.

Dear Santa:

I know it’s been a tough year up at the North Pole, what with so many of the elves going out on work stoppages and taking part in the “occupy” protests around the globe. Maybe you can give them a little raise this year.

Times are hard, so I know you’ll be cutting down on some of your deliveries. But when you head this way, I hope you’ll remember these requests:

• Record donations for the charities of Kershaw County -- the United Way, Christian Community Ministries, the Community Medical Clinic of Kershaw County and all the others which do such good work. Oh, yes, and smiles to the faces and warm hearts to all those who volunteer so much time and effort to those organizations.

• More neighborhoods that show their Christmas spirit like the people who live on Cooper Street in Camden and enthusiastically light up their homes and yards to celebrate the season.

• More good movie roles for aging stars such as Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman.           

• Another bang-up year on the PGA tour for Camden native Jonathan Byrd.

• A sense of humor for those who insist on getting up every day on the wrong side of the bed. May they find plenty to laugh about in the coming year.

• Smiles and giggles galore for children as they discover what you’ve left them under the tree Sunday morning.

• Fewer foreclosures, more jobs and bigger paychecks for hard-working families.

• For all the voters of Kershaw County, a little more straight talk and a little less bull from all the presidential candidates.

• Appreciation for those who have to work on Christmas Day while the rest of us are able to relax and stuff ourselves -- cops, firefighters, whomever they might be.

• For Lindsay Lohan, a new set of undies to replace the ones she lost on her way to that recent Playboy photo shoot.

• For members of Congress, lumps of coal and one-way tickets home.

• For recently deceased North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il, eternal flames that burn hotter than Bill Clinton’s libido at a strip club.

• For football fans, an end to the incessant criticism of Tim Tebow and an opportunity to just let him prove whether or not he can get it done on the field.

• For everyone who loves the music of the season, a little more of “Feliz Navidad” and a little less of “The Little Drummer Boy.”

• For my friend Waylon Fortenberry of Chesterfield County, a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon; a dozen Moon Pies; a new set of mudflaps for his truck, preferably with picture of naked women on them; and one of those “My kid can beat up your honor student” bumper stickers.

• For travelers, an airline fare schedule that makes sense.

• And finally, for everyone in Kershaw County, no matter their faith or lack of it, bring happiness, good health and peace in 2012. And for those of us who celebrate the birth of Christ, let us all remember the words of former Grace Church priest Doug Holmes, who said, “I believe ultimately the lame will walk, and the blind will see, and that God will correct the injustices of this world and that there is nothing anyone has ever done in the past or may do in the future that will keep God from loving them. For God’s love is stronger than death itself and God’s mercies are new every morning. That’s what the cross of Jesus Christ is all about.”

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