View Mobile Site

The fun side of politics

Posted: October 28, 2010 6:47 p.m.
Updated: October 29, 2010 5:00 a.m.

Here we are, counting down till Tuesday’s election, with everyone sitting in hushed, breathless anticipation of the white-hot race for South Carolina commissioner of agriculture, an election that will have broad implications for the future of the world.

And it’s difficult to even describe the flaming intensity of the state’s lieutenant governor’s race, between, um, between, well, you know who those guys are.

Meanwhile, the negative ads continue unabated on television. A recent Rasmussen poll showed 63 percent of South Carolina voters have barfed on their televisions in disgust while watching political ads.

Meanwhile a second time, my friend Waylon Fortenberry of Chesterfield County continues to fill my mailboxes with his opinions and political jokes from late-night comedians. As always, most of them are barbed at the party in power:

 “Members of the Senate are considering a tax on cosmetic surgery. When they brought it up, you should have seen the look that Nancy Pelosi's face tried to make.” – Conan O’Brien

 “President Obama has been meeting with voters in what he calls 'backyard chats.' He's held these in real people's backyards. You know something, I think all politicians should talk to people in their backyards. Then you could take what they say and spread it on the lawn." —Jay Leno

 “The Democrats are unbelievable. They are giving up on their tax cut for the middle class until after the election. They have the worst salesmen in the world. They could not talk Lindsay Lohan into a rum and coke." –Bill Maher

 “Well, you know what's interesting, Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said she dabbled in witchcraft, and her opponent, Democratic candidate Chris Coons, he had no comment. He wanted to comment, but he lost his voice, went blind and came down with boils." –Jay Leno

 “Democratic Congressman Charlie Rangel easily won his primary. He hasn't been this happy since he saved all that money by not paying taxes." –Jay Leno

 “President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option.''  -- Conan O’Brien

 “Nancy Pelosi’s Republican opponent has an ad where he depicts Pelosi as the Wicked Witch of the West. Pelosi is very angry and the Wicked Witch is even angrier” – Jay Leno

 “After Joe Wilson's outburst, everyone was shocked. Because usually when a politician shoots off his mouth and makes a fool of himself, his name is Joe Biden. ... But even Biden said he was embarrassed by Wilson's behavior. This is Joe Biden we're talking about. Joe Biden saying it's embarrassing is like an Australian bartender saying you've had too much to drink.” – Craig Ferguson

 “It's interesting. During his speech, President Obama spoke about the difficulty of accepting a Peace Prize while we're fighting two different wars. And President Bush got really upset. He said, 'Hey, I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize.'' – Jay Leno

 “A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there.” – Conan O’Brien

 “Rush Limbaugh is OK after being released from a Hawaiian hospital after a heart scare. Fox News sent flowers; MSNBC sent cheese fries.'' – Jay Leno

 “Google has announced that they're going to give free Internet access in airports all across the country. It's fantastic! Up until now, the only way to see something pornographic at an airport was to follow a senator into the bathroom.” – Craig Ferguson

 “Yesterday, the country of Kosovo unveiled an 11-foot tall statue of former President Clinton. Yeah. That's right. The Clinton statue is so life-like, it's already been slapped 12 times.” – Conan O’Brien

 “When Vice President Joe Biden heard that President Obama won the Nobel Prize, he was speechless. So, it's already doing some good.” – Jay Leno

 “A new report just came out that says President Obama has mentioned Jesus Christ in more speeches than President Bush did. Can you believe that? Still, neither has used the phrase 'Oh God, oh God,' more than President Clinton.” – Conan O’Brien

Comments

Commenting not available.
Commenting is not available.


Contents of this site are © Copyright 2018 Chronicle Independent All rights reserved. Privacy policy and Terms of service

Powered by
Morris Technology
Please wait ...