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It's good to be queen

Posted: June 7, 2012 5:01 p.m.
Updated: June 8, 2012 5:00 a.m.

Being queen is a heck of a job.

You’ve probably seen television coverage of the big British celebration of Queen Elizabeth II’s 60th anniversary of occupying the throne.

There’s no arguing she’s got one of the best jobs in the world. A queen has a leg up on your average Joe Sixpack -- uh, Joe Alepack in the United Kingdom -- who’s trying to earn a living.

QEII’s a likeable person, but you know what?

I keep thinking that poor old Prince Charles must be saying, “Ah, c’mon, Mum, you’ve been doing this for over half a century. I’m not getting any younger and I’d like my time on the throne.”

Of course Charles, who’s 63, went through the whole Diana thing, when he was carrying on an affair with Camilla Parker-Bowles, who’s a bit horsey looking but apparently has some hidden attractions. It took a little while for QEII to come to grips with that, but now that Charles and Camilla are happily married, the queen seems fine with her being part of the family.

And it’s kind of hard to blame Liz for not wanting to give up the throne. She has a pretty good life.

When you’re queen -- or king, as the case might be -- you get to live in Buckingham Palace, which ain’t too shabby. They have the changing of the guard every day and you can watch it without even having to leave your balcony.

When you’re not at Buckingham, you have other fine residences, too. Heck, Windsor Castle’s not very far away and there are country houses, too, for those times when the stress of having to respond to people bowing and curtsying just becomes too much.

Your kids can get married in Westminster Abbey, too. That’s pretty impressive, and something the commoners just can’t muster. And on the way to the wedding, you get to ride in the royal carriage with those handsome horses pulling it along.

You ever notice all those fancy hats QEII wears? I think those things went out of style a long, long while ago, but do you ever hear anybody snickering when the queen wears hers?

Of course not, because if you did that they’d throw you in one of those old cells at the Tower of London and you’d never be heard from again.

Unlike the president of the United States, the queen doesn’t have to get dirty with politics, either. She can remain above all that, cutting ribbons and christening ships and going to polo games in little towns with names like Darvon-on-Polyester.

Hey, the money’s not bad, either. The queen gets paid about 36 million pounds a year, which is more than $50 million, and she’s said to be worth a billion or so.

Every once in awhile, you read a news story about the English people growing tired of the monarchy, but you’d never know it by the reaction of all those Brits to QEII’s anniversary soirees.

They were cheering and thronging the streets and giving some good old British hip-hip-hoorays whenever she made an appearance.

So anyway, you can rest assured that the British monarchy system isn’t going to go away soon.

Since assuming the throne, QEII has lived through 12 different versions of herself at Madam Tussaud’s Wax Museum in London. When you can’t outrun wax, you are old.

As for Prince Charles, he’s probably still muttering to himself. And come to think of it, he might need a walker by the time he takes the throne.


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