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Woman wants daughter and son-in-law to move out

Posted: March 12, 2013 5:11 p.m.
Updated: March 13, 2013 5:00 a.m.

Dear Annie: I don’t know how much longer I can handle my daughter and her family living in our home. Five years ago, they came here intending to stay "a few months." My husband is ill, and he is extremely uncomfortable having no privacy and being limited to our bedroom for days at a time. I try to be kind, but I am still grieving the loss of my son to cancer. My son-in-law doesn’t even pretend to make an effort to find a place anymore. And he does not help us around the house or contribute to the bills. How do I get them out without hurting my daughter and granddaughter? I don’t want to lie to them, but I’m beginning to despise my son-in-law. --Losing Hope

Dear Losing:

Dear Annie:

Dear Embarrassed:

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmail box@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

If the other couple were close friends or family members, they may not have cared about this. However, a less familiar set of friends might have found it a bit gauche for your husband to flaunt that his bill was going to be $40 less than theirs. So, yes, we agree it would have been better to use the credit when you were alone, unless he intended to use it to treat his friends to part of their meal.
My husband has a frequent customer card for a local restaurant. Over time, he accumulated a credit of $40. We recently went to this restaurant with another couple. When the bill arrived, my husband took out his card and told the other couple they owed half of the bill, including the tip, and that he would apply his $40 credit to the remainder. I was uncomfortable with this. I felt he should have saved his credit for a time when we were dining alone. What do you think? --Embarrassed
In order to have your house to yourself, you will need to find the strength to put a time limit on the freeloading. If your son-in-law or daughter is working, they should be paying rent, if not in their own place, then in yours. Tell them you think it would be healthier for all concerned if they found a place of their own, and you will give them three months to move out. Offer to help them search. Offer to help them pack. Offer to take care of your granddaughter. But be firm about the deadline. Let them know that if they don’t find a place within three months, you will start charging them rent -- and make it enough so that moving out is an attractive option. Be nice about it, but don’t back down.

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