View Mobile Site

Man seeks advice regarding marital assets between him and his ex-wife

Posted: June 13, 2013 3:59 p.m.
Updated: June 14, 2013 5:00 a.m.

Dear Annie: My wife and I are going through a divorce after 23 years of marriage. We just grew apart.

We have four children, ages 12 to 21.

The problem is, my wife feels I do not deserve any of the marital assets because she was the primary breadwinner.

She made a nice income, but it also meant she spent a considerable amount of time away from home.

She left the responsibility of raising our kids to me.

I never had the time to devote to a career, because I wanted to be with my children.

They were active in youth sports, and I never missed a game and even coached the teams.

I also made sure homework was done and dinner was on the table every night.

I was awarded half of all marital assets, and it is causing bitterness.

My ex is upset because it means she will have to take out a substantial portion of her 401(k) and a home equity loan. Now she has shared this information with our children and flies into a fit of rage from time to time.

My kids don’t care, but my ex told her family and friends that I am taking "her" money, and now they won’t speak to me.

Also, my older children have asked to live with me, and this doesn’t make my ex any happier.

My ex is a good person, and we don’t fight over visitation.

She gives me full and complete access to the kids.

But how do I get her to feel less angry about the division of assets?

She barely speaks to me. The only time she is nice is when we are at the children’s events.

Should I accept a lesser percentage so she will be kind to me again? -- Soon-To-Be Ex-Husband

Dear Ex:

Society still doesn’t give sufficient value to those contributions.

You are under no obligation to take less than the court awarded you, and there is no guarantee that doing so would solve the problem.

(Also, alienating friends and family members is a form of manipulation.)

But if you feel strongly about it, ask the court to assign a mediator.

Dear Annie:

He throws tantrums and displays road rage.

He throws things. He hasn’t hit me, but I am afraid he will. Even the dog hides behind the furniture.

I have talked to his doctor, to no avail.

He does have medical issues, but I do, too. What else can I do? -- Frustrated Wife

Dear Frustrated:

Your husband may even have had a small stroke or other trauma.

Return with him to his doctor and insist on more tests. If his doctor is unwilling to consider other possibilities, it’s time to find a physician who will take your complaints seriously. Please don’t wait.

Dear Annie:

Here’s my strategy: Before attending an event that interests me, I do some research and identify nearby coffee shops and also look up similar events happening in the near future.

Then I make a point of talking to several strangers.

If anyone seems interesting, I’ll invite that person to meet at the nearby coffee shop to continue the conversation.

If he’s not available, I’ll ask whether he’s planning to attend the future event, because it might be fun to get together there. -- Daniel

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmail box@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

"Not Anti-Social or Addicted to the Internet" is correct that it’s difficult for men to make new friends outside of the workplace.
Sudden personality changes can be an indication of a neurological problem or a severe reaction to medication.
My husband’s behavior has been different lately. It’s as if his personality has changed.
It is not uncommon for the higher-earning spouse to resent giving equal assets to the one who earned less, even though the lesser-earning spouse is generally the one who cares for the house and the children.

Interested in viewing premium content?

A subscription is required before viewing this article and other premium content.

Already a registered member and have a subscription?

If you have already purchased a subscription, please log in to view the full article.

Are you registered, but do not have a subscription?

If you are a registed user and would like to purchase a subscription, log in to view a list of available subscriptions.

Interested in becoming a registered member and purchasing a subscription?

Join our community today by registering for a FREE account. Once you have registered for a FREE account, click SUBSCRIBE NOW to purchase access to premium content.

Membership Benefits

  • Instant access to creating Blogs, Photo Albums, and Event listings.
  • Email alerts with the latest news.
  • Access to commenting on articles.

Contents of this site are © Copyright 2014 Chronicle Independent All rights reserved. Privacy policy and Terms of service

Powered by
Morris Technology
Please wait ...