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Tucker: A fight, bull-running, Crawford and Biden

Posted: February 19, 2015 9:02 a.m.
Updated: February 20, 2015 1:00 a.m.

I’m reading that two boxers – Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao – have agreed to whomp on each other for $250 million.

That’s a lot of lettuce for a fight, especially seeing as how Muhammad Ali’s not going to take part.

I don’t know anything about either one of the fighters other than Manny has an impressive string of vowels lined up in his last name. He should get together with former Major League Baseball player Eli Grba, who was fondly known as The Man Without A Vowel. They’d make a heck of a team.

Mayweather is undefeated, having won all 47 of his fights, but lots of people have accused him of ducking Pacquiao.

The match will apparently be held in Vegas, which is no big surprise.

Reckon any thugs will be there?

Boxing hasn’t been very exciting for me since Ali retired, and actually, I’m a little bit surprised there hasn’t been more of an effort to just do away with the fight game, considering all the controversy that’s arisen about concussions in football.

Shoot, quarterbacks and linemen wear big helmets and they still get hurt. Last time I looked, boxers were taking it directly on the chin.

There’s got to be a lot of damage when you get punched over and over, year after year. Just take a look at Ali if you don’t believe it.

And speaking of getting hurt, I saw where a University of Mississippi student nearly bought the farm after getting gored during one of those running-with-the-bulls things in Spain.

Can you tell me why anyone would want to run with bulls?

Running from them makes a lot more sense.

On the television news, they had a so-called expert explaining how you could avoid getting injured when you were running with the bulls.

I can tell you exactly how to do that: don’t run with them.

The experts were also out in full force when a picture of supermodel/fashion maven Cindy Crawford was leaked to the media -- a “live reality” shot, with no airbrushing.

Cindy, who’s 48, doesn’t look exactly like she did when she was gracing the pages of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

And who could expect her to? Time waits for no man -- or woman -- and Cindy, in the photo, had a bit of excess flesh where her tight skin used to be. Hey, it happens.

People praised her for it, though I don’t think she really meant for the photo to be released. In fact, Jamie Lee Curtis, who’s also turned a few heads in her time, took to quoting the “beauty is truth, truth beauty” passage from Keats’ Ode On a Grecian Urn.

I’m thinking maybe Jamie Lee got a little carried away.

I say just take it easy on Cindy. After all, lots of us are getting to the age where we don’t like to look in the mirror when we get out of the shower.

You read about guys with six-pack abs? Mine look more like a soft-sided cooler than a six-pack, and the cans inside are bulging out everywhere. I’m lumpy, man.

Meanwhile, Vice President Joe Biden continues to whisper in women’s ears, which has come to be known among reporters as “close talking.”

There’s no word from Mrs. Biden on how she’s taking all this or how often Joe close-talks her.

And finally, it appears that switchblades and brass knuckles -- two devices favored by peace-loving people everywhere -- are about to become legal in Virginia.

“OK, Baby Timmy, now that you’re 2, Daddy’s going to teach you how to use these nice little toys. Aren’t you excited?”

Hey, here’s an idea: let’s just make sure that if Biden tries to close-talk Cindy Crawford that she has a blade and some brass knucks ready for him.

That’ll teach him to get too close, eh?

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