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To the husband whose wife miscarried

Posted: February 22, 2016 9:49 a.m.
Updated: February 22, 2016 9:49 a.m.
Hannah Chudleigh/

Miserable young woman with early term pregnancy having miscarriage

Dear Husband,

There are many emotions that come along with this kind of heartache. Please remember these things:

It’s not your fault

You wanted to be a provider, a protector, a father. But this was something out of your control. You did everything you could to help. Don’t blame yourself.

Your wife needs you

Now more than ever. She’s physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. She might blame herself, too, and this is where you can help the most. Show her that you still love her unconditionally. She might feel like a failure as a mother because she couldn’t have a baby, so remind her of all the beautiful things about her that make her great as a person. Remind her of her strongest characteristics, the times when she succeeded, and why you fell -- and continue to fall -- in love with her.

Stay calm

When tragedy strikes, it’s easy to become angry, depressed, confused or all of the above. But none of these emotions will help you. This is a time to stay calm. Don’t rush to conclusions about why the miscarriage happened. Don’t push your wife into wanting another baby right now or pursuing other options if she’s not ready. Just take this process one day at a time.

It can make you stronger

This can be a time for both of you to meditate and reflect on your relationship as a couple in order to draw closer to one another. As you work through your grief together, you can find peace in your bond with your wife. The trust that you build now can last a lifetime. Other difficult things will happen in your relationship, and this can be an experience that you both draw upon for strength.

Stay close to God

Miscarriages can raise a lot of questions. Will I see my baby in heaven? Why was this trial given to us? You can use this opportunity to look to God for strength, and through prayer, let Him remind you that He is in control and that He has a plan.

It will be OK

There is a lot of hurt now, but that can slowly dissipate. As you and your wife come closer to each other and to God, you can find blessings that you otherwise wouldn’t have seen. There is hope!


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