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Column: A few more observations

Posted: June 25, 2018 3:59 p.m.
Updated: June 26, 2018 1:00 a.m.

There’s an old saying about newspaper columnists being those guys who come down out of the hills after the battle is over and shoot the wounded.

I don’t know about that, but I will agree that most of us are usually exquisitely unqualified to comment on most of the subjects about which we so eloquently pontificate.

And yet, I am one who has to ask an occasional question and make an occasional observation or two. You can take them however you like, with a grain of salt or with a shaker of salt, a slice of lime and plenty of good tequila.

I recommend the latter -- after all, how do you think I arrived at some of these observations?

Here’s one observation: We’re not that serious about solving a lot of our problems. We just want to scream about them for awhile. Take this whole immigration thing, for example.

First, you have to understand the state of my generally conflicted nature. I do like having a variety of folks around -- life’s just more fun that way. And I have nothing but the deepest respect for someone who can march through 400 miles of desert for the privilege of picking tomatoes on St. Helena Island for $3 an hour. Say what you want, but anyone who will do that is someone with some serious gumption -- and I would happily trade 10 like them for 1,000 or so of the worthless, self-entitled parasites who seem to come out of the woodwork these days.

On the other hand, I don’t like open borders. I see that as a recipe for disaster, an open invitation for infiltration by the worst of the worst. So, you bet I am all about vetting anyone who wants to come here, no matter what they say their reasons are.

Now, before I have a contingent of easily triggered and perpetually lachrymose, unwashed loons marching in my driveway, allow me to point out that, one, I do not for a second believe that anybody is rowing across the ocean on igloo coolers or marching 400 miles through snake and scorpion infested desert for the sole purpose of strapping homemade bombs on their kids and sending them through customs. I do believe most of the people trying so desperately to get here are seeking a better life, and an honest one, at that – and that’s it. So whatever protesting you were planning to do, save it for someone who already shares your weird fashion tastes and your spittle flecked histrionics.

I also believe it’s egregious to take children away from parents, period.

Yeah, I know; DSS does it all the time. Yeah, I know; anyone arrested today will be separated from their children by virtue of having to spend the night in the gray bar motel. And, yeah, I know; you don’t want problems at the border, don’t cross the border illegally.

I get it. I don’t even disagree. So save your flag waving, soul saving, spittle flecked histrionics for someone who already has their head stuck up the same, uh, mop bucket.

The problem is the reality of the situation, which is we’ve been separating families in our effort to separate miscreants -- and make no mistake; there are plenty of them -- from folks down on their luck. And yeah, we’ve been doing that for a very long time, under a lot of administrations. Which begs another question, if it’s meant to be a deterrent to illegal immigration, how’s that worked out for us so far?

I just don’t think it’s too much to ask that if we’re going to detain them, then let’s detain them together and if we’re going to ship them back home, then let’s ship them back home together.

But we’re not really serious about any of this for a number of reasons -- hundreds of millions of reasons, if you get my drift.

A most obnoxious problem we have right now is this quickness by some to flock to the very divisive and destructive banner of identity politics instead of embracing the melting pot notion we once held so dear. The idea that you come to America to become an American, not to become an “I’m an oppressed American du jour.”

I -- like most folks I know -- will not be preached at, screeched at, or otherwise caterwauled to -- by anyone -- period.

Again, save it.

We obviously need to celebrate our differences, but not at the expense of our unity, if that makes any sense at all.
 Another problem I see, one that nobody seems to be talking about, is actually taking on the true source problems -- the ruling juntas running the home countries.

Want to keep hordes of terrified, desperately poor people from flooding American borders? Help them make their country worth staying in. A good start might be to do something about the utterly corrupt, thieving, murdering, buckets-of-pig-feces criminals who run the countries those desperate, terrified poor folks are fleeing. If we were really serious about some nebulous war on drugs, we would get off the misguided flag waving and horribly misappropriated Bible thumping and start thinking about napalming millions of acres of coca plants and dope fields that seem to have replaced coffee and bananas as the top exports from some places, along with maybe administering  a sidewinder missile enema or two to some overly high-falutin’ folks who desperately deserve such.

Just a few more observations before I wipe down my gun and head back to the hills.

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