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3 ways to get your hubby more involved in parenting and 3 reasons why you should
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If you are a married mom, chances are what you really want for Mothers Day is for your husband to be more involved with your kids, to prioritize parenting a little higher and to be more of a full partner with you in raising your children. - photo by Linda and Richard Eyre
If you are a married mom, chances are what you really want for Mothers Day is for your husband to be more involved with your kids, to prioritize parenting a little higher and to be more of a full partner with you in raising your children.

Sure, there are involved fathers who dont need any encouragement to prioritize their children or to be equally yoked with their wife in a parenting partnership. But to be blunt, many dads are not as involved as moms wish they were, and sometimes it's just because they dont know how or dont have a clear plan or strategy.

Moaning or groaning and pleading with your husband to take greater interest or get more involved rarely works. In fact, it may drive you apart. But when we focus on the specifics that dads are usually both interested in and good at, good things start to happen.

Here are three suggestions to get that man of yours more meaningfully involved with your kids:

1. Make him the banker. Put him in charge of your system for your kids money. Whether you do an allowance or (better yet) have some kind of family economy where children get paid for certain household responsibilities, have their dad be the banker, the paymaster and the financial adviser. When a dad takes on this task, he thinks more about the kids and about what motivates them. He teaches them to be disciplined, to budget, to save and to understand delayed gratification. For specifics on setting up a good family economy, go to valuesparenting.com/happyfamily4.php.

2. Hold a monthly five-facet review. Dads are usually good problem solvers, but first they have to identify and understand the problem. Schedule a special date once a month where just the two of you go out to dinner and spend the whole evening focused on your children. Call it a five-facet review and go through each of your children, one by one, asking: How is he/she doing physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Socially? Spiritually?" As you talk about your children and identify their specific potential and problems, Dad will feel more invested and will get more involved.

3. Schedule daddy dates. Schedule Dad for one daddy date with each child each month. If you have several children, he can do two or three of these dates in one evening. Let kids pick where they want to go within certain parameters and give your husband the insight of spending an hour or so with just one child. Remember that relationships develop not in groups, but one-on-one.

Is it worth the trouble to try to implement things like this? Is it worth the effort to convince your husband that he should do these three things?

Absolutely, both for the good of your children and for the good of your husband.

There is no shortage of evidence that kids who have the active, mindful involvement of both a mom and a dad do better and adjust better on a number of levels. And dads who are more involved with their kids develop into more sensitive, more patient and more fulfilled men.

Specifically, there are three big reasons why you should do all you can to get your husband more involved with your kids:

1. It will give your children added security, added perspective and an added sense of being in a unified family not perfect, but unified. The unique relationship that dads can have with sons, and the equally unique relationships dads can have with their daughters, needs to be treasured and maximized.

2. It will draw you closer and make you more in love as a couple. The old adage that the best way to get close to someone is to have a common goal or purpose is absolutely true in this context. You may have separate jobs and separate interests, but when you totally team up to figure out what your kids need, and when you meet those needs as a partnership, working synergistically, the byproduct is that you draw closer to each other and love each other more.

3. It will make your husband a better man. Dads who connect with their kids and who are truly involved in raising them tend to become more domesticated in all the best ways. Quality time with children makes men happier, more spontaneous, more patient and more prioritized. Men become gentle-men by spending more time with their kids.

Maybe the biggest reason to get Dad more involved is to prevent future regret. As we speak to business and professional groups of older men, we find so many saying how much they wish they had devoted themselves and their time more generously to their kids while those kids were still in their home.