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5 sex secrets your wife may not tell you
Sexual intimacy should be a beautiful expression of love, not a power play. Showing kindness and trust during the day can enhance what happens at night. - photo by Trina Boice
Men and women think differently about sex. Here are five sex secrets your wife may not tell you.

Sex secret #1 -- Help without being asked

Husbands, you need to understand something: Foreplay starts outside the bedroom. It can often begin at the kitchen sink when you say youre going to do the dishes tonight. It can occur when you remember to take out the garbage before she has to nag you to do it. Nothing is more sexy to an exhausted new mother than watching her thoughtful husband change the diapers. Its one of the least known mysteries about women.

Sex secret #2 -- Make it romantic

Men have a lot of scenarios running in their heads about the act of sex long before theyre married, whereas women imagine it with a loving closeness. Women tend to think more romantically -- candles, soft music, a warm embrace, loving words. Men tend to think more sexually -- skip all the nonsense and get to the good part. Women generally like sex because it makes them feel a closer connection to their husband. Men like sex because its sex. Women want the loving experience; men need the physical release.

Sex secret #3 -- Make her feel beautiful

Most men are very visual. They want to see a naked woman. Men are attracted to the female form. Most women generally would prefer to do it in the dark, mostly because they don't feel good about their own body.

A sexy negligee or nightie is fun to receive as a gift every now and then, but if those are the only kinds of clothing she ever receives from you, shes going to get annoyed. Shell often be more thrilled with a new outfit she can actually wear out in public and brag to her friends that you gave her. She wants to be able to talk to her girlfriends about how thoughtful you are.

Sex secret #4 -- Be understanding, not demanding

Men often enjoy sex more than women. Its a sad, frustrating fact. Anatomically speaking, men are designed to orgasm every time. For women, it takes a lot more physical and mental work. Physically, it can actually be painful for women sometimes; that rarely happens with men. Emotionally speaking, women have to think about getting pregnant before and after every single act. A womans entire life can be altered with only one encounter, and she knows it. That rarely occurs to a man when hes in the mood. A woman has to consider birth control measures every single day (especially if she is on the pill), a fact that might even make her feel resentful about sex.

There will be times when she would rather sleep than have sex. She would prefer the encounter to be short, and so she offers it to you as a loving gift. Accept the gift and dont be offended if thats all that happens. Her lack of passion and orgasm doesnt mean she doesnt love you. But dont be greedy about it; the more often she doesnt receive satisfaction, the more likely it is that she will never want sex. It then becomes a chore to her. Women want sex to be a special occasion, but if you demand it every day, it can become a task that she dreads. Pace yourself.

Sex secret #5 -- Tell her what you like about her body

She will be more in the mood when she knows she can turn you on. OK, so what if shes had so many pregnancies that her figure now looks a little more ghoulish than girlish? Tell her what you love about her body, and be sincere. Remember that neither one of you is perfect.

Women often complain that all men want is one thing and that their evaluation of a woman is based entirely on physical attributes. Be careful in your praise of her external gifts to include some of her inner qualities so she knows it is the whole person you love.

You know when you watch some commercial on TV with a catchy jingle and then you cant get that song out of your head all day? If the power of suggestion can affect us that much from a source we really dont care about, think about how much it would affect us if it came from a source we really did care about. When your sweetheart hears you complain about what a terrible cook she is or how you wish her hair looked, then she begins to believe it. The opposite is true too; when she hears what a thoughtful wife she is, or caring mother, then she becomes those.

She wants to believe that you will keep pursuing her even after youve won her. She wants to feel like shes worth it to you. She wants to feel safe with you and know that you'll never leave.

Sexual intimacy should be a beautiful expression of love, not a power play. Showing kindness and trust during the day can enhance what happens at night.