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The secret behind your wife asking 'How was your day?'
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It would be easy to answer how was your day with one word such as fine or okay. Men are very different in how they see their day as opposed to women. - photo by Kent Larson
It would be easy to answer how was your day with one word such as fine or okay. Men are very different in how they see their day as opposed to women.

"The brains of men and women, while similar in many ways, are more different than most scientists ever realized," says Larry Cahill, Ph.D. Men think in terms of things and results. Women think more in terms of emotions and desired outcomes.

"How was your day?"

I understand coming home from a day at work feeling tired and irritable. I understand you just want to get to your comfy chair (although you dont call it that), but do you understand youre at a crucial moment? How was your day is a gateway question; it is a gateway to conversation. Your wife is saying shed like to talk to you. When you answer with a mono-syllabic word youre effectively shutting the gate, and, depending on how you answered, you might have slammed it shut.

When men are with their friends, they never talk about feelings, relationships or use sentences longer than four or five words. Dr. John Lund, therapist and author, suggests men become impatient with inefficiency to the point of finishing others sentences so they want their answers short and sweet.

"Really. How was your day?"

Conversely, Jim Butcher suggests in his novel, Cold Days, women can have a conversation on five levels at the same time. They follow the conversation that they're actually having, the conversation that is specifically being avoided, the tone being applied to the overt conversation, the buried conversation that is being covered only in subtext, and finally the other person's body language.

Understanding this helps you see how your answer of fine or okay is insulting. She is asking because she cares about you, and wants to help you deal with your stress. The way women deal with stress is to talk about it. Men dont often understand this. Theyre more interested in not thinking or talking about it. If you want good communication in your marriage, get over this.

Bonus points for texting

When your wife asks you about your day, you need to tell her how it went using examples. You need to tell her how you felt about those examples. It takes patience and practice. Something that helps is texting counts! If you dont want to spew forth at the end of the day then text along the way. This shows you are thinking of her and want to share things with her. Youll earn big points doing this.

Theres one last thing thats even more important. After youve answered her question appropriately, you need to ask her about her day and listen, just listen. You can comment in appropriate places but understand if she is talking about a problem she doesnt necessarily need you to fix it but just listen and comfort, laugh, or celebrate with her. Use these tips and see how much better your communication is between you and your spouse. Shell wonder what happened but I wont tell if you wont.